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Humans have an amazing drive for consistency and very often we end up seeking out friends and partners who perpetuate that feeling of “rightness”, even when it’s incredibly painful to us. He had the seeds of that person in him all along and as he became more comfortable with you, those seeds blossomed into his way of being. You go into a relationship, however big or small, filled with hope and that amazing feeling of bliss. The book describes how many of our childhood, social and family surroundings shape our sense of what feels “right” in the world to us. Sure, most of us carry in some healthy skepticism as well, but it’s hard not to get drunk off of those amazing feelings of desire, imagining possibilities, connectedness, etc. Especially those amazing relationships where you just feel this indescribable connection and “rightness” with the other person.. People talk about chemistry a lot in relationships.
If the man is not a total ass, he will feel the guilt every time he looks in his wife’s eyes, and he will try to ease the guilt by taking her out on a date, or suggesting a family vacation, etc.
The cycle of the love affair with a married man almost always ends in broken hearts, hurt, and wasted time.
Sure you have those once in a million times where the man actually leaves his wife for another, but for the most part, it is a script for adultery disaster.
However, filling the void may backfire on him, as the relationship may escalate from occasional lunches during work hours or early dinners disguised as “working late”, to the more intimate texting and instant messages all night long.
This is hook line and sinker for the woman, as she automatically thinks, “oh, he wants to talk to me so badly that he’s risking getting caught!